


can’t sleep love

by certifiedrecycling



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Cliffhanger, Fluff, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Not a One shot anymore, Pinkberry, Post canon, Romance, Self harm (implied), TW:, basically me projecting my issues onto these poor boys, boyf riends - Freeform, i wrote this in like 10 minutes, richjake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-22 19:56:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19987513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/certifiedrecycling/pseuds/certifiedrecycling
Summary: “What do you need help with?” Christine stared Jeremy in the eyes for a few seconds. She snapped her fingers. “Who is it?”Jeremy blinked a few times. “W-what?”“Your crush. Who is it?”“I didn’t even say anything about a crush! How do you know it’s that?”“Your cheeks are a brighter red than Michael’s hoodie.” She paused. “Oh my god. It’s Michael, isn’t it?”—Jeremy needs help with something.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is considerably shorter than anything else i would write, but i needed to write something to keep myself sane, so here you go!!
> 
> about the title, i was really just listening to that song while writing this. no real correlation.
> 
> its a bit open-ended. i might write a second chapter with michael’s reaction, whether that be acceptance or rejection, but i think it stays as a stupid one-shot i wrote in 10/15 minutes.
> 
> enjoy!

“Hey, Chris.” Jeremy opened the door and let the girl bounce in, her green dress flowing in the wind. “Did your parents drop you off?”

“Yeah, I said I’d text them when we were done here.” She took off her shoes and rested them next to the shoe rack.

“Oh, you really don’t need to do that-“

“I’m asian, Jeremy. Yes I do.” 

Jeremy rocked back on his heels. “So…”

Okay, maybe it had been a little awkward since they had broken up a few months ago. Maybe they hadn’t been alone like this since then. But Jeremy expected Christine to be a bit more...bubbly.

“Why’d you ask me to come over?” Christine walked into the living room and sat on the couch, leaning against the back. Jeremy followed and, either out of nervousness or unfortunate habit, sat straight.

“Well, uh…” He scratched the back of his neck. “I need your help with something.”

Christine’s eyes lit up. “Is it that god-awful ELA project? I absolutely died working on it. Like, who asks us to write that much and present it? I think I know more about that book than I do myself! Seriously!”

“There’s the Christine I know.” Jeremy mumbled.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“Shit, you heard me?” Jeremy covered his mouth. “It’s nothing. Seriously.”

“I’m not oblivious, Jer.” Christine scooted closer. “Is something wrong?”

“Just,” he exhaled. “Can we stop being l-like this?” He gestured in between the two. “I know we broke up and all, and I know we promised to stay friends, but we’re so-so awkward and weird around each other, and...I don’t like it, Chris.”

“Oh my god.” Christine covered her mouth. “I didn’t mean it like that, Jer. I’ve just been...stressed at home. That’s all. My mom’s been taking up two jobs and my dad’s been practically taking 24-hour shifts to pay the bills.”

Jeremy felt stupid now. He was so self-absorbed, wasn’t he? Thinking this was all about him. “Oh.”

A period of silence passed.

“What do you need help with?” Christine stared Jeremy in the eyes for a few seconds. She snapped her fingers. “Who is it?”

Jeremy blinked a few times. “W-what?”

“Your crush. Who is it?”

“I didn’t even say anything about a crush! How do you know it’s that?”

“Your cheeks are a brighter red than Michael’s hoodie.” She paused. “Oh my god. It’s Michael, isn’t it?”

“I-I didn’t even say anything!” Jeremy whined. “I-It’s not e-even about that!”

“For a kid who’s in the theater program, you suck at acting.”

“Okay, okay.” Jeremy forced himself to calm down and drain the blush out of his cheeks. “Why do you think 1. It’s about a crush and 2. It’s about Michael?”

“Well, you have that sort of pining look in your eyes.” Christine deadpanned. “Like the one Brooke had for Chloe, or Rich for Jake, or-“ She stopped herself. “Point is, you're crushing. And crushing hard.”

“No comment. I wanna hear your rationale behind it being Michael.”

“And when I pointed out how your cheeks were a brighter red than Michael’s hoodie - which, by the way, they still are - you immediately tensed up and turned a brighter red at the mention of his name. Plus you’re fidgeting now.” She directed her attention to Jeremy’s twitching hands in his lap.

Jeremy looked away. “Christ, Chris, did you take a class or something for reading teenage boys?”

“So...I’m right!” She grinned.

“I didn’t say you were!” Jeremy reasoned. “I’m just saying, you watch a lot of crime shows.”

“It’s really just prior knowledge. Like how Rich told me about his crush on Jake and, with that brilliant knowledge, gained some info on crush signals. Same with Brookie and Chlo.”

“Goddamnit, Chris.” Jeremy slouched the tiniest bit. “You’re too extra, y’know that?”

“I wanna see if I was right.” She cleared her throat. “So, Jeremiah Heere, what did you have to tell me?”

Jeremy mumbled something she couldn’t hear.

“Speak up?”

“IhaveacrushonMichaelMell.” He mumbled quickly.

“I can’t hear you!”

“I have a crush on Michael Mell.” Jeremy whispered.

“Still can’t hear it.”

“I have a gay-ass crush on my best friend of 13 years named Michael-fucking-Mell!” Jeremy announced to the empty house. “You happy?”

“Absolutely!” Christine pulled out her phone.

“Shit, were you recording me or something?”

“No, although that would have been amazing to see.” Christine started typing something out. Jeremy felt a vibration in his pocket. “I’m texting the rest of the SQUIP squad over. Minus Michael.”

“W-why?”

“Because you need to tell them this.”

—

“Holy shit.” Rich commented.

“You’re really not helping me here.” Jeremy mumbled.

“Holy fucking shit.”

“I second Rich on this one.” Chloe nodded.

“Holy motherfucking shit!” Rich snorted. “For the record, I’m the one that started the whole ‘boyf’ ‘riends’ thing.”

“Chris, why did you think this was a good idea?” Jeremy groaned, turning to the girl, who shrugged.

“Just thought they should know.”

“Well, if they’re not gonna offer advice or anything, then…”

“Buddy, four out of 8 of us are in a gay-ass relationship.” Rich reasoned. “We gotchu.”

“Michael’s gay, right?” Brooke asked. Jeremy nodded. “So at least you’re not crushing on a totally straight person. That shit sucks.”

“Yeah, but what are the odds he likes me?” Jeremy groaned. “Or that he has a crush on anyone right now?”

Silence.

“Oh my god Jeremy, you’re too fucking oblivious.” Chloe put a hand on her forehead. “Have you not noticed the literal heart eyes Michael gives you all the fucking time?”

“No.” Jeremy admitted. “Because he doesn’t?”

“Take it from me, Jer.” Christine pat his back. “He totally does.”

“Since when?!”

“Since...sophomore year?” Jake added. “Probably before then too.”

“I also wrote ‘noh’ ‘omo’ on their backpacks that year.” Rich snapped. “I called it from the beginning.”

“B-but…” Jeremy slouched. “I-I hurt him. On Halloween. I left him behind for th-the...y’know. There’s no way he could-he could like someone like...me.”

No one said anything.

“Buddy, we all were hurt on Halloween.” Jenna finally spoke.

“Some more than others.” Brooke commented. Rich nodded at that, head tilted down, finding the floor very interesting. “But we’re all here. Together.”

“W-well...” Jeremy held his hands in his lap. “What do I do?”

“What do you do?” Jake grinned. “You walk over to that guy’s house and give him a big fucking smooch on the lips, that’s what!”

“Too far, Jake.” Rich leaned on the guy’s shoulder.

“Nah, although that’d be killer to see.” Christine agreed. “But seriously, you should tell him.”

“How? Do I just knock on his door like in all the rom-coms and ask him to be my lawfully wedded boyfriend?”

The group looked at each other for a few seconds before nodding and saying something in agreement. “Yeah.”

Jeremy exhaled. “No one records it.”

Jenna put down her phone. “Fine.”

“And you have to supply me with a whole night of watching Netflix and ice cream if he rejects me.”

“Deal, because he won’t.” Chloe nodded.

“We can hang at my place.” Jake agreed.

“And if he, by some odd occurrence, does feel the same, we get Pinkberry or watch a movie together. I’m not paying.”

“I’m all for either one.” Brooke put her hands up.

Jeremy swallowed. “You guys are the worst and best friends I’ve ever had.”

“You don’t have much to compare us to.” Rich shrugged. “Stop stalling. Let’s go.”

Jeremy stood up and opened the front door. “Jake, we’re taking your car.”

—

They pulled in front of Michael’s house, the familiar cream-colored walls and the PT Cruiser in the driveway. 

“Is he home?” Jake whispered.

“I’d assume so, since his car is here.” Jeremy mumbled back, his heart pounding, probably filling the silence currently inside the car.

“Well, go ahead!” Jenna exclaimed. “No recording, I swear.”

“Y’all better have some ice cream ready.” Jeremy slowly opened the car and walked across the green lawn, noticing the weeds and spots decorating it, the mushrooms...everything. He noticed the stump of a tree they had cut in 3rd grade since it was getting in the gutter. They used to hang a swing there. Jeremy had fell off of it countless times.

His fingers fumbled as he rang the doorbell. His shoes beat against the porch, against the ‘Welcome’ mat that was worn out and had certainly seen better days. Like him.

Jeremy heard the sound of Michael coming upstairs slowly. He heard the lock click, and he saw his friend open the door. 

Michael’s hair was a mess, and he wasn’t even wearing his red sweatshirt, just a gray t-shirt. He unlocked the screen door. Jeremy swallowed.

Michael spoke after what felt like forever.

“Jeremy?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jakey d: what happened?
> 
> player one: what do u mean
> 
> jakey d: with jeremy
> 
> jakey d: he was crying a lot
> 
> player one: oh shit
> 
> jakey d: ik everyones entitled to their own feelings
> 
> jakey d: we cant force you to like him
> 
> jakey d: but what the fuck did you say?
> 
> \--
> 
> Misunderstandings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> part 2 because it was 4 AM and I can't seem to sleep for anything longer than 3 hours.
> 
> TW: Self Harm (implied). Stay safe, y'all.

"Jeremy?" Michael studied his friend and switched his gaze to Jake's car. "Why's Jake and the squad here?"

"Oh, um, I j-just needed a ride." Jeremy stared at the ground. "A-and Jake was picking Chris up from my place because she was h-helping me with the ELA project."

"Okay then." Michael stepped outside and closed the door behind him. "So what's up? You okay?"

"W-what?" Jeremy's eyes snapped up to meet Michael's. "Yeah! I'm fine!"

"You're really nervous." Michael pointed at Jeremy's hands, which were shaking at an impressive rate. "Is it the…"

He didn't need to finish the sentence.

"N-no! It's not that!" Jeremy forced himself to smile. "It's just, um…"

"Just?"

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" Michael froze a bit. "Sorry for…what?"

"Halloween? Last year?" Jeremy tapped his right foot on the porch. "I just...I just treated you so fucking horribly, Micah. Especially...then."

The way Michael studied him made him remember something.

Rich...Rich said the SQUIP blocked his aggressive (his wording; not Jeremy's) bisexuality.

The SQUIP said it blocked Michael for the purpose of it being a link to Jeremy 1.0.

But...what if…

"Look, Jer, obviously we've got some...speedbumps?" Michael gestured a bit. "But we're good, okay? All set. Show on the road. The rest of the squad forgives you, and I do too."

Jeremy crossed his arms. "I'm so fucked up, you know that?"

Michael froze and narrowed his eyes. "W-what?"

"Even without the SQUIP, I-I'm a horrible human being, M-Micah." Jeremy wiped his cheek and felt tears. "I'm a f-fucking freak."

"Jeremy, stop t-that-" Michael reached out to grab Jeremy's arms, but the smaller boy stumbled back.

"My mind's a m-mess, I can't f-focus, I'm getting like 2 hours of sleep a night...and my fu-my fucking arms…" Jeremy mumbled to himself, holding himself tighter, Michael following, fear striking his face. He finally grabbed him and held him close, running a hand through his hair.

"I-It's okay, Jer, I-"

The words came back to him. The ones spoken throughout his head constantly by that fucking tic tac. The ones that stained his memories and image of happiness.

"E-everything about me is so terrible. Everything a-about me makes me wanna d-die." Jeremy held on tight to Michael's shirt. "There's no-no way you could ever like some-someone like m-me. I'm so...stup- so stupid."

Michael stopped. "W-what?"

Jeremy froze. "Did-did I just-"

"Y-you like me?" Michael released his grip.

"I-I…" Jeremy turned away. "Forget I said anything."

He began to walk, to jog, to run, to the car. 

"J-Jeremy, I-" Michael's throat felt sore. "Jeremy!"

He opened the back carseat and fell in next to Jenna.  
"So?" Jake looked at him expectantly. 

"To your house." Jeremy grumbled as he closed the door. "We're eating ice cream and watching Stranger Things all night."

\--

5:27 PM

jakey d started a new chat with player one

jakey d: what happened?

player one: what do u mean

jakey d: with jeremy

jakey d: he was crying a lot

player one: oh shit

jakey d: ik everyones entitled to their own feelings

jakey d: we cant force you to like him

jakey d: but what the fuck did you say?

player one: i didnt say anything!

player one: he started talking about how,

player one: ,sorry he was and how much of a god awful person he thought he was. 

player one: he fucking cuts himself, jake.

jakey d: …

player one: and then he said smth about how i never could like him

player one: and then he walked away

player one: jake

player one: i like him too

jakey d: no shit

jakey d: you need to tell him

player one: but,,,how

jakey d: hes currently watching to all the boys ive loved before with brooke. text him

player one:

player one: ok

5:34 PM

player one started a new chat with player two

player one: jeremy

player one: ik ur watching to all the boys ive loved before 

player one: but

player one: you're not a failure, or a freak. you're my best friend who i've stayed with through thick and thin, through all the mental breakdowns and happy accidents. everything about you is wonderful. everything about you makes me happy.

player one: and

player one: i

player one: i like you too.

12:48 AM

player two: michael?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is this the end?? at this point, i don't know. let me know.

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading my trash. go recycle and help the planet.


End file.
